To stop being an enabler in your loved one’s life, you must first recognize that your actions are doing more harm than good. It can be challenging to admit you are in the wrong when your actions come from a place of worry and care. It is important to remember that even with the best intentions, you can still engage in negative behaviors. By acknowledging the issue, individuals can begin to reflect on their own behaviors and their impact on the person they are trying to help.

  • These boundaries may include rules against drug or alcohol use, financial support for substances, lying, and abusive behaviors.
  • Letting your loved one deal with the consequences of their actions helps them realize the chaos and trouble that typically accompanies addiction.
  • Arthritis can freeze the joints so that movement gradually becomes almost impossible.
  • You—and they—know that they are damaging their body and risking their health and independence.

There’s nothing harder than watching your loved one make the same wrong decision time and time again. You just want to help them stop facing so much pain and heartbreak. It’s very easy to move from being a supportive, empowering person in your loved one’s life to being an enabler of their addiction. Enabling behaviors can often perpetuate unhealthy cycles, particularly in the context of addiction. Recognizing when professional help is necessary could be a critical step towards recovery. Addiction treatment programs offer structured environments where individuals can receive the support they need while addressing enabling dynamics.

It can be challenging to distinguish between helping and enabling. You are lending a hand to help someone accomplish something they would struggle to do on their own. It’s essential to note the difference so you can empower and not enable. Obtaining help through medical detoxification and/or Alcoholics Anonymous would be ideal for an alcohol-addicted elder who is even slightly willing to undergo treatment.

I hope this has provided some insight into the ways you interact with the people you love, and that it will help you be more effective in the way that you love and care for them. Enablers often make vague, feeble hints that they hope will get the message across. These won’t even register on the radar of a precontemplator, who by definition is determined not to change, and is resistant to any feedback that they need to change. Enablers soften consequences by minimizing the importance of events (“It’s OK, it didn’t really matter anyway”). Helpers make sure that any negative behavior is followed by a consistent consequence. Because they’re so stuck in their own denial, precontemplators need help from others to change.

How to Help a Loved One with Addiction: 7 Tips that Promote Recovery

Some seniors grow accustomed to being waited on hand and foot, regardless of their health and abilities. If a loved one is frail and in delicate condition, yes, healing and recovery can take a great deal of time. But, part of aiding in a senior’s recuperation is allowing them to do for themselves and reestablish their old routines as much as possible. Many of us (myself included) think we are helping when we’re actually enabling. Enabling, though it might sound good, means that the things we are doing or saying to someone are backfiring. We are unwittingly “enabling” our loved one to stay stuck, to dig in their heels even more.

You may want to try to control their behaviors or help by giving money and bailing them out of trouble. These are essential aspects of building social relationships and contributing to the world. Support is an offering we give from a place of strength and generosity, not out of fear or obligation. Supporting someone often has the potential to propel them further than they might have gone without our support. After three weeks, he found a part-time job as a software developer. Going to work again and interacting with colleagues helped him feel engaged and useful.

To break the cycle of enabling, it is crucial for families and loved ones to establish clear boundaries. Setting boundaries helps protect the well-being of both the individual with the substance use disorder and their loved ones. This may include establishing rules against drug or alcohol use, financial support for substances, lying, or abusive behaviors 4. The key difference between helping and enabling someone is that helping supports positive change, while enabling mitigates the consequences of negative behavior without addressing the underlying issue.

Helping Versus Enabling: What is the Difference?

  • And yet it’s common to go overboard with what we learn about what it means to be kind, good, helpful, or supportive.
  • You might be tempted to think that enabling is the right course of action, maybe even the kinder course of action, but it’s not.
  • If you are fighting someone else’s battles or making excuses so they don’t have to face the consequences of their behavior, you are enabling.
  • You can offer advice, prepare a meal, lend a hand, or simply listen.

Addiction recovery undoubtedly requires support from friends and family. Offering the right support can help them take positive steps in the right direction. There’s a fine line between helping and enabling; it can sometimes be difficult to know which side of the line you’re on. You have to pay close attention to understand if your well-intentioned behavior supports or harms your loved one’s chances of recovery. Put simply, enabling behaviors can remove the desire to seek treatment. Enabling behavior can range from pretending there isn’t a problem to providing money to your loved one for drugs or alcohol to taking on their responsibilities.

Empowering vs. Enabling

If you’re unfamiliar with the term “enable,” it means “to provide with the means or opportunity” or “to make possible, practical, or easy” (according to Merriam-Webster). When applied to substance use, helping versus enabling it means a person in active addiction is provided with the means to continue to use. During this challenging time in your life, the most important thing to remember is that you cannot pour from an empty cup; you cannot expect to help others without taking care of yourself first. Coping with a loved one going through addiction can be difficult and exhausting. Going to therapy can help you learn coping methods to get through this period.

Don’t give ultimatums (i.e. “If you don’t get treatment, I’ll divorce you”) or make threats (especially if you’re not willing to follow through). Simply put, you are helping someone when you do something for them that they cannot do themselves. If you do something that the person can and should do for themselves, you are enabling. You go to extreme lengths to protect your loved one from pain.

Setting Boundaries

By defining these boundaries, individuals can establish a supportive environment that encourages recovery, personal growth, and accountability. It’s important to communicate these boundaries clearly and consistently, ensuring that they are respected and enforced. When it comes to substance use disorders, enabling behavior can have detrimental effects on both the individuals struggling with addiction and their loved ones. Understanding enabling in addiction is crucial for promoting healthy recovery.

How to Handle a Senior’s Addictive Behavior

Poor behaviors are ingrained from an early age and don’t magically change. While offering help is an act of kindness, overdoing it can backfire on the person who’s benefiting as well as you. You’ve, in essence, crossed the thin line from helping to enabling. The study further demonstrates how having strong bonds with others encourages and supports a person’s quality of life. Boundaries play a crucial role in our lives and are essential in maintaining personal space, safety, and well-being while addressing our own needs.

Be patient with yourself but remain committed to breaking those harmful habits using the tips provided. It’s important to recognize and address these behaviors to avoid conflict and promote healthy relationships. Codependent individuals often engage in over-functioning to compensate for their partner’s issues, which in turn can increase the partner’s dependency and impede recovery. Bringing attention to a loved one’s substance misuse or other harmful behaviors with compassion signals that these behaviors are destructive, without enabling them.